A Letter To The Dark

1.

I was afraid of you until the age of eleven. 

Your slow, steady way 

of filling a room

made me feel like I 

 was quietly drowning. 

An empty canvas, 

a silence in which my thoughts manifested,

you tasted like monsters

I didn’t quite know how to conquer yet.

Bedsheets became clothespins 

and I was hung helplessly, 

a cold,trembling rag, 

unable to do anything but drip tears 

and wait for the sun,

wait to be warm and worn again. 

You were my ribcage, 

the gaps between my teeth.

You were the back of my own eyelids. 

I think thats what scared me the most. 

2.

I lit myself on fire for you. 

Struck a match across 

my nearly-pertruding 

pristine pre-teen collarbone

and felt the flames 

as they licked my lips. 

I was swallowed whole,

brought to life in a flurry

of blood and blisters 

until my bones gave in.

I had shed my sunlight skin,

felt as my insides darkened

and my fingertips dipped into ash.

I felt the cold wind kick in

I felt it scatter my body,

a parade of ravens

without any wings.

I ran away so fast, I tripped and fell into you.

3.

You have manifested into a lover.

You swoop me up 

into your arms 

and I have learned 

to fall into you

Sometimes feeling numb

is almost better than being alone

You hide under my tongue

and nap in the sleeves of my sweater

You are the ugly duckling of sunflowers

turning your back to the light

Sometimes I can almost pity you.

You didn’t choose to be a monster.

I didn’t choose to carry you 

in the pit of my stomach.

Dear Dark,

I guess I didn’t have to try too hard in order to love you.

I think thats what scares me the most.